I have categories for my Christmas wishes. Although there’s this one thing I really wish and pray for, I still think of my other Christmas wishes. God is good all the time. I remember seeing posts on my news feed about finals. Reading statuses saying they wanna “die”, they want to give up on their courses, they want to sleep, they ask what sleep is, wishing for Christmas they’d see no letter in their grades, scared of R, scared of red in the curriculum flowchart boxes, okay to have at least 1.0, saying “finally” after finishing one task with pictures of their works, calling God, asking God’s help. Everything. I felt their pressure. I witnessed all that.

… While I’m just on FB doing nothing. Scrolling down and replying to posts and messages doing nothing. Like I have finished all my projects, chilling. Honestly, I did not feel pressure nor worry that I have not started any single thing, any percentage of what I have to submit to my professors. None. It really makes me laugh about the fact that there were totally no worries in me. Kind of funny, somewhat stupid, nakakaasar kasi I was procrastinating. I remember, Sunday, the next day was the submission of all the requirements. Sunday, all I did was buy all the materials I needed for my two paintings and framed nude drawing. Thank God Mama gave me money kasi wala talaga ako pera that time. I arrived home 8pm (because I went to NBS 6pm late na ‘yon haha) and started a fraction of my works then tadaaaa! Sleeping beauty! HAHAHA. I did not even finish one task. But God is good. Sooooooo soooooo good that words can’t say. GRABEEEEE! Nakakaasar na sobrang love tayo ni Lord!

I was given a chance to pass on Wednesday no’n. Isipin mo, I was thinking of passing all the reqs on Tuesday that week, pero God gave me one day pa! HAHA! ANG SAYA GRABE! HAHAHA! Salamat Lord sinabi mo kay Sir na bigyan pa ng chance yung mga hindi pag nagsa-submit. God is good all the time!

I knew God will provide. (Big thanks to my twin sis Elle for being there for me always, for always reminding that God will provide.) God even provided me an unworried heart and mind for finals! MY GALLY WOW HAHAHAHAHA. OH EM. Grabe na ‘to! So I started all those stuff right away.

First painting: THE SCREAM by Edvard Munch

From around 2am to 5am I finished the background. Suddenly (joke lang, gradually haha) I did not feel well and having my twin sister around, she suggested that I take a rest. So I did. I woke up 7am yata? GOOD MORNING! I went online, I greeted some people good morning. Even my crush! I greeted him galingan mo sa exams haha ang saya! Ang saya rin mag-reply lahat ng good morning kahit yung iba mukhang inaantok sa reply nilang good morning. HAHA!

Inantok ako. I went back to take a nap and the nap turned to happy sleeping. HAHAHA. Pagkagising ko, ANG SAKIT NG ULO KO! Sobrang sakit, that was when I felt worry for my finals. I was given an additional day for all my projects undone but it turns out to be a day I take a long rest kasi masakit ulo ko at ‘di ko talaga kaya magpinta dahil nakaka-high ang amoy ng pintura. HAHAHA CHOS. Pinainom ako ni mama ng gamot. Si Elle ang sweet ♥ she took berry berry good care of me. Nilagyan pa ng basang bimpo yung sa ulo ko, LANGGAM PLEASE PAKITABOY. HAHA. Ang sweet eh. Tapos ayon, natulog ako ulit. I woke up 11pm feeling better. I thought, kaya ko na. So nag-paint ako ulit kahit ‘di pa totally okay. Pero God was calling me, bumangon na daw ako. HAHAHA! I finished The Scream 2am! YEYYYY! At may isa pa. HAHAHA! Madilim nung nagpipintura ako. Kaya nung nailawan na yung painting ko, nagulat ako kasi iba-iba na yung kulay. HAHA. Importante na maliwanag kapag nagpipintura. Pero ayos lang! It was funny kasi the last part I painted was the face, I got scared. It was hard for me to do the eyes, nakakatakot talaga! HAHA! Thank our good God sa isang painting na ako. At may nude sketch pa. Kukulayan pa ng oil pastels. HAHAHA! Ifi-frame pa. HAHAHA. Ipa-plastic cover pa. HAHAHAHA ANG SAYAAAA!

2nd painting: KAHIT ANONG PAINTING (Julius Masa – Toney Sevilla photography)

Syempre, ‘di ako tatamarin kapag crush ko kaharap ko. HAHAHA. Pero I don’t know if this is a good thing, kasi I’m tolerating my feelings. I’m not single if my heart is not single. It wants to share someone’s heart. I learned that from Elle, which she learned from I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris my lovessss.  ♥ HAHAHA Pero wala na, na-paint ko na e. HAHAHA. Well, I really like Julius. I really like him. I hope he knows how much I do, pero mamatay na lahat ng torpe’t manhid. HAHAHA. Ano daw? It’s nice to paint, to do things when your heart is passionate. I did not paint this kasi pang-finals ‘to, I did not paint this kasi I have to. I did kasi I just want to. He’s a beautiful guy, he’s humble. I really like him. Sana alam niya kung gaano. But in time he will, if God says it’s time, or if he should even know. Ang alam lang niya, crush ko siya. But he doesn’t know that I really, really, really do like him. HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY CHRISTMAS!!! HAHAHA Okay segway lang ‘yan. HAHA. To be honest, I did not want Julius to see this painting, and there’s also a part of me that doesn’t want him to realize that I like him this much kasi it might get more awkward and hindi na friends. If that happens I won’t get to know him more. HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY NEW YEAR! HAHAHA Ang haba OH EM! Okay.

I started painting this around 3am, it took me an hour for scaling, drawing Julius. It looked totally like him! I worried that it might get ruined kapag painting na. Apparently, medyo nag-iba nga kasi mali yung sa left eye niya. Aayusin ko pa ito. HAHA. Mukhang bading. Pero bading naman talaga si Julius kaya okay lang. HAHAHAHA! I was almost done 7am, gising na sila papa no’n. Papa was questioning me about this and that. IT WAS SO… I don’t know. HAHA. I should have painted a family member or a family picture but I liked this picture because of the lighting. It’ll be a good exercise for blending, sa painting. Many faces pa for family picture, maliit na mga mukha, mahirap mag-paint nawawala mga maliliit kong paintbrush. HAHA. Hindi na kita details. So, ‘yon. Mga 8:30 tapos na!

Kumain na muna daw ako. They didn’t know may isa pa akong gagawin. HAHA. So medyo naghintay ako na pumunta na si papa sa work para hindi niya makita na may gagawin pa akong isa. HAHA. While si mama nasa baba. Ako nasa kwarto. Inaantok na ako that time, pagod na, and there comes my bed, pulling me, tempting me. Pero God provided me energy.

Around 9:30 I started to draw. Madali lang para sa akin ‘yon eh. Salamat kay God sa gift na talent na ‘yon. I was careful kasi I did not want mama to see me still doing another thing. She knows I was taking a rest. She asked me to, bago daw ako pumasok sa school at mag-submit. MAHAL NA MAHAL TALAGA AKO NG NANAY KO! HAHAHA! So instead of enjoying my bed HAHAHA, tinapos ko yung nude drawing. I finished everything around 12nn! Okay na. I went to school able to pass everything, went back home safe. TAPOS NA ANG LAHAT. 2012 NAAAAA. HAHAHAHAHA

Grabe.

Natapos ko lahat. GRABE! Nag-procrastinate na’t nabigyan ng chance at sumakit na ang ulo ko’t lahat, natapos ko pa rin! Salamat Lord sobra! Todo na ‘to.

Okay lahat ng grades ko. Sa bawat artwork, pati sa final grades, okay! ‘Di ko alam ie-expect ko na grade so talagang okay na okay ako! HAHAHA! ANG SAYAAAAAAA!

Tagal ko ‘di nag-blog. HAHAHA! I don’t know how to end this blog post, I just wanted to blog about this. But I still have to make it look like tapos ang blog post na ‘to. HAHA. OH EM

Sigurado akong nabati kita nito:
HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY CHRISTMAS! God bless! BE HAPPY ALWAYS!

Maniwala po kayo ‘di ako nag-copy-paste kahit kanino. HAHAHA!

I used to have a lot of crushes. I always did. But then, you’re the only one left. I don’t want to think that it is love. Impossible. God says it’s not. And anyways, even when I’ve cried the largest ocean, did everything, the  really-super-unbelievable-definitely-absolutely craziest things, things, and things, WITH THE S, and yes, again, cried the largest ocean, did everything, I can say…

I don’t love you. It’s not love. Pleaseeee I want no one to tell me I’m bitter or I’m in denial. I just don’t want to think of it as love. Funny. I’m too young. I mean, love chooses no age. Right.  I believe that the reason why we’re told we’re too young for love is that, we simply don’t know much about it. We learn what love is as we grow. They pertain to romantic love when they tell you that you are too young for that. For “love.” I think it’s “misunderstood love” or “mistaken love” or “thought of as love” is what they refer to when they tell us we’re too young. Because love, and love na talagang tunay na love hindi napagkamalang love choose no age. But, thinking of it is just ridiculous. I don’t know love yet, maybe completely no. But again, I don’t even understand it. That’s enough reason to say that I. am. not. in. love.

Dakedo aishitai yo.

Kapag seryoso, mahal na agad? ‘Di ba pwedeng serious crush muna?

HAHAHAHA

Pero ang sakit : ))

CHOS. DRAMA AMP HAHAHAHAHAHA

Happiness is a choice. I choose to be happy.

I unconsciously got the first one Thursday. It did hurt, until now. I can’t play guitar without my pointing finger on my left hand. And when I grip things using that hand, I raise that finger with the paper cut. HAHA. Also, it’s funny because thoughts come to my mind about paper cuts. I start to compare paper cuts relevant to my situation right now.

Having a paper cut is like having that feeling for the person you like. It’s either you notice it or not until you feel something let’s say quite extreme or unusual. I had paper cuts that I didn’t notice until I get hurt. Some I get and I notice it right after, I get hurt right after. Latest one bled. SCARYYYYY

I’m not totally scared of blood. Just sometimes, probably when it’s too much. Actually, when I saw blood on my finger because of that effin paper cut, I got sad. I DU NO WHY ) But I laughed at it. haha

-SEGWAY FAIL-

So, yes, having a paper cut is like having that feeling for the person you like. It’s either you notice right away that you like that person already, or not. Because there still had to appear a sign before you realize, it’s magic. Haha.

Paper cut. I don’t use this finger with the paper cuts. There are things that I can’t do because I can’t use this finger! It’s like liking someone and you get hurt, the things you do are limited. Because you have a paper cut. You’re hurt. You’re weak. You’re not complete.

I don’t really know what to say now. Or how to finish this. I’ve alwaysssss been like this since Idontknowwhen.

Ahh. Paper cut. It hurts.